Monday, November 14, 2005

2 Months Crisis



I have been here a bit over two months. I find myself thinking:
What are my needs here?

Are the kids´ needs more important than my needs?

How much does the organisation need me? How much do the children need my presence? If they don´t need me much, is it a problem that then the experience is more important for me than them?

What else could i do do to take full advantage of my stay in Mexico? Would finding another organisation to work with be advantageous? Would travelling be better than working?

Should I stop drinking coke and producing garbage in order to show my respect for the local community?

How far can I go in adapting to the ways of the society, especially if the ways are harmful for themselves?

Is feeling useless as a volunteer at times acceptable? (came to the conclusion: YES)

Why is it so hard sometimes to use my imagination to improve my life?

This week´s slogan is:
The only frontiers and limits in my world are set up by myself.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Update (late again because blogger hates me)


We are living interesting times here in Puebla. The Day of the Dead is coming (the one and only local version of Halloween!). Skulls, skeletons and creepy stuff is all around, and i have been surprised by how seriously people take the rituals the festival includes. People prepare altars for family members that have passed away - candles, food for the dead to eat, water to drink, fruit, cigarettes, etc. People speak of the dead coming back is if they actually did return among us for a day. Well, haven`t seen any so far! Not looking forward to seeing one, though.

A few days ago I joined the social worker of the organisation on her trip to the government`s centre for abandoned and orphan children. It was a moving experience to enter the entre that houses 175 children with no families to take care of them. We interviewed 5 children that are possible candidates to join Hogares Calasanz in the near future. We interviewed them briefly (not that they spoke too much) and studied their files containing information about their identity (which is not always so easy to unravel) and psychological tests that had been conducted on them. The tests and the documents told a heart-breaking story of how each of the candidates had been abandoned, beaten up by their family members, sexually violated, intimidated, and a lot more. I understood what lay behind the angry eyes of a 8-year old, whose mental age was proven to be less than five - having no family doesn`t give you much reason to smile. I realised that the one boy who didn`t speak had a reason not to speak - in his world speaking lead to a beating. All the babies, kids and adolescents at the centre are waiting to be moved to other institutions or to be re-integrated to their families. Bureaucracy often seems to make the process of improving the lives of the children slow and difficult. There are families dying to have an adopted baby, and babies literally dying to have a family, and yet, the institutions have the arrogance to let them both wait for years and years. The damage that this waiting can do to the baby is irreversible. The boys we met drew houses with no shape, couldn`t write nor read, were aggressive, suicidal, sad, angry, with no identity nor future. Once again I realised that the organisation I work in exists for an urgent cause, in a country Full of kids with urgent needs. I remembered again that I am here for the kids, not for myself, as difficult as it is to remember it sometimes.

Here I am, struggling with my bad eye sight that is making me nuts. I bought a phone card and called home! That`s news! What else...? Hoping to survive this weekend. I always fear the worst when the weekends come, because I have to spend long periods of time with the kids alone with no other adults around. The get exhaustingly bored and energetic, and by Saturday afternoon I have shouted so much that I have no voice left. Well, that is the reality that will hit me again by tomorrow morning:) i will let you know if I survived. Love, TiinaLaGelatina